Quote Database

#71 (+|-) (Rated: -5)
<SypaNick> You get fisher price sql with MS
<SypaNick> My first SQL server.

#212 (+|-) (Rated: -5)
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Are you kidding!?
<.Vista> !8ball are you sure? you're responding a little slowly
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: No
<.Vista> !8ball does the server need a reboot?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Hell no!
<.Vista> stupid bot
<.Ace> stupid human:-|

#82 (+|-) (Rated: -4)
—I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n— Netsplit Detected. «irc.right.asscheek irc.left.asscheek» [6:56am]

#164 (+|-) (Rated: -4)
<.Vista> I don't bugger servers anymore....they just bugger themselves now:-|
<.Vista> !8ball isn't that right Ace?
<.Ace>  8Ball Response: Of course!

#181 (+|-) (Rated: -4)
tachyonizer (~tachyoniz@41.97.94.252) has joined. «78 people»
<tachyonizer> !keep tachyonizer
<@Beschbot> tachyonizer: tachyonizer's shell has already been deleted...
<tachyonizer> fuck you
<tachyonizer> goddamnit
<tachyonizer> goddamnit
<tachyonizer> i am budy man can't you wait a fucking day ?????
* tachyonizer was kicked by Beschbot (Bad word detected. (*fuck*) :: [Tue Mar 11 18:19:58 2014] - Banned 0 minutes ·58·)

#65 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
Topic from a Vista help forum:

gohan2091: When I put my PC to sleep, the slightest movement of the mouse (such as when I slide the keyboard stand under the desk) brings my PC out of sleep. I know a bit about software so off I went into the obvious.... the mouse settings (control panel). I unticked the option "Allow this device to wake the computer" and hit OK but it doesn't appear to be working. I can still bring my PC out of sleep by moving the mouse.

mark: Strange but true:

Accepted Microsoft answer to this problem: turn the mouse upside down

#69 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
<port-> well peace out fuckers
<port-> im done with soa
<port-> email me if u want to talk, odoyle has the address.
* port- sets mode: -o port-
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has left #soangels
<ap0c> heh
<ap0c> he'll be back
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has joined #soangels
<port-> god damn autojoin
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has left #soangels

#74 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
<Tengu> I can has kitty?
<kjbrasda> i'll mail you one
<kjbrasda> first class
<HyperSquirrel> poke in air holes
<Gibbie> I don't think you should put holes in the kitty

#75 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
<joesboxd3b> it is just ironic.... you can't get the cvs version of cvs unless you get the older version of cvs then cvs to the cvs server to get the latest cvs version of cvs

#78 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
<Commander> whoa that's not good
<Commander> the end of my mobile plug (plugged into the USB port on my PC) was sitting in the side of a potplant IN WATER
<Commander> i pulled it out and it said "new usb device found"
<Commander> =/
<Commander> dunno how long it's been sitting there for
<CompHobbyist> new USB device found: potted plant v.001
<CompHobbyist> power usage for this device: -10W

#83 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
<+HoCkster> I got an official warning from my bank
<+HoCkster> I usually pay my rent as "Columbian Drug Money", they never objected
<+HoCkster> but then I forgot my mates cell phone number,
<+HoCkster> we were both doing internet banking at the same time right
<@Lilzvixen> welcome to my room
<+HoCkster> so I give him a 1 cent payment going "What's your number"
<+HoCkster> and we start having this whole conversation
<+HoCkster> it was like webchat
<+HoCkster> so like 87 payments later, the bank rings me up and were like
<+HoCkster> "have you thought of getting MSN?"

#100 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
[Modnar] 3y3 0wnz j00
[TMBG37] n0 j00 d0n7
[Modnar] dude, i've got the inv0ice right here
  

#151 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
<Swift> I need lemonade.
<dmc2> I hate it when my sound goes blurry.
<supakoopa> i hate when my video gets loud.

#159 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
<Pr1ncess> oh sick i just sneezed and blood shot out of my crotch
<etrigan> that time again??
<Pr1ncess> hahaha
<Pr1ncess> yes
<Pr1ncess> that was a pretty fucking sick thing to say wasnt it?
<etrigan> hell yes

#172 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
* %Angie streaks
<+Red-Dragon> >.>
<Vista> stupid thing doesn't seem to like static ip configs
* +Red-Dragon looks
* %Angie streaks by again
<%Angie> :p
* +Red-Dragon watches again
* +Tidus takes a vid
<%Angie> :O
<%Angie> that'll be 3 payments of 39.99 please
<+Sess> lol
<+Tidus> plus s&h?
<%Angie> no
<%Angie> free S&H
<+Red-Dragon> not for me i got other payment methods :P
<+Tidus> shweet
<%Angie> you get freebies :p videos i charge for hah
* Vista gets on his bike to chase Angie, but then realizes he's too out of shape, falls off and lays on the ground panting:-|
<%Angie> lmfao
* %Angie hands Vista albuterol
<+Red-Dragon> PDA!

#174 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
|+p|Debi| Mine is flapping pointlessly somewhere round my ankles.
|+p|Athena| Wb Hellspawn.
|+p|Debi| thooper
|+p|Debi| Say, do you want to see a movie?
* LegendaryIRC sets mode: +h HellSpawn
|+p|Debi| i'm keeping quiet except for the odd fondle and humping

#189 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
<Charles> The best story involves a bestiality site. No, really, it does.

There was this bestiality site that used our software. I don't even remember what it was now but we would get calls quite often. People would call and say "I would like to cancel my account" and we would try to find them in our database. After quite a bit of looking we would say "well this is for IPS right" and they would say "no it's for animal lovers anonymous" ...

Then of course there's the awkward silence. Where you now know that the person on the other end of the phone likes Bambi a bit too much. So then you have to say "um I think you're calling the wrong people" ...

Then there's another awkward silence where THEY now know that YOU know that they enjoy cuddling with Snoopy on cold evenings.

It was a combination of creepy and amusing at the same time. This went on for a couple months actually.

#197 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
I can Zoe that. But let's get this going again.
Zoe?
lol
see not Zoe DYAC

#199 (+|-) (Rated: -3)
Zaccy Drayson: Don't you fuck with my backend

#34 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<.ғıяέkαтт> you should see it you take two big dongs that are used to
                  rough housing with each other and you throw a little man into
                  that mix,.... pure Mayhem and Havoc!!

#36 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
insomniac: why is it that if you grind corn up into mush, eat it, it shows up as a full kernel in the toilet a few days later?
Steelix: He's right.
insomniac: what happens in my stomach...
mindule: insom: that's very interesting
PixelGuru: damn
PixelGuru: i pity you when you eat applesauce
insomniac: haha

#38 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
chrismat: Oki offtopic question. If a laptop bluescreens during first install, and then when you are using it what is the cause?
DBuzz: windows

#41 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<Helix> fuck
<Helix> my back right tire is flat
<Helix> this is lame
<Owashawa> change it and put the spare on
<Owashawa> problem solved
<Helix> then i have to change it
<Helix> and its cold
<Helix> and wet and shit
<irn> You fucking girl
<irn> get out there
<irn> What if your wife's water broke and you had to take her to hospital, eh?
<Helix> it'd make it
<Helix> besides, that's what ambulances are for
<irn> what if your vehicle IS the ambulance?
<Helix> ill know a thing or two about assiting birth
<Helix> besides, im gay and exempt from your question
<irn> What if your boyfriend got stuck in an inflatable suit during a balloon fetish romp?
<Helix> id masterbate until i passed out

#43 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
Original Install Date:     27/07/2009, 22:36:19
System Up Time:            32 Days, 16 Hours, 33 Minutes, 52 Seconds

Note: this was originally posted on the 29th of july 2009 for anyone that doesn't get what's odd about that uptime.

#47 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
[16:35] *** Quits: Ser_Olmy_ (*.easynet.net ircnet.easynet.co.uk)
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[20:39] <data[moo]> ircnet in the wash today or summit?
[20:39] <data[moo]> seems to be shrinking a bit

#67 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<Skream> Anyone got an IDE controller I can borrow?
<Skream> Mine just caught fire.

#72 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<@[S]W|Supey|Around> what the fcuk? a DVD enlargement system? did my two spam senders mix their titles?

#80 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<matt____> hey guys is there a way to patch an older redhat server??
<matt____> Linux devcvs 2.2.16-22 #1 Tue Aug 22 16:49:06 EDT 2000 i686 unknown
<Evolution> holy hell
<Evolution> 2.2.16?
<Evolution> just out of curiosity, what's the uptime on that antique?
<matt____> devnu11:18am  up 2287 days,  2:52, 25 users,  load average: 1.76, 1.26, 0.70
<Zathrus> gods

#81 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
*** [ircnic] (ircnic@couldnt.find.condoms.so.I.used.my.leftsock.com) has left #trance

#84 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<RST38h> When I bought 14.4kbd modem, TELNET and FTP became so lightning fast...
<jaem> what sort of lightning do you have where you live, then?
<lcuk> the sort that used to buffer before striking

#85 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<Fury> dude! The power just went out in the house and all over the city.
<Fury> everything is off =X
<Fury> fuck its so dark. this fucking sucks.
<Angelic[X]> Why are you still here?
     —› quit: (Fury) (siren@2c4e124f.19108886.cable.ntl.com) (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

#88 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
[Luke]: I must say my mum is bad when it comes to security. Norton says her download is a virus, so she disables norton and runs the exe. FFS!!!

#89 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
<kurai> Gah.  Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
<kurai> Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon characters.
<kurai> The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
<kurai> So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi ! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
<kurai> Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
<Pikachu> ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
<kurai> SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give head ?
<kurai> What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
<basto> Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or somthin'

#90 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
.julia           • mines light blue tho
.Vista           • I prefer mine: http://www.halfords.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_storeId_10001_catalogId_10151_productId_253669_langId_-1_categoryId_165499
.Vista           • different colour, but it's that make and model
.Vista           › has just noticed he's linked to the ladies model without realising:-|

#91 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<Rach> when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly> What happened to it?
<Rach> i broke it
<Olly> On purpose?  
<Rach> i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach> just stupidly
<Olly> Ahh
<Olly> So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach> yeah, it's full of water

#93 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<kerushixx> dude, i just saw a moth fart!
<tulam> 0_o
<tulam> how do you know it farted?
<kerushixx> it flew in a straight line

#97 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
X-LP            • Ozafy we're losing that other server of mine
X-LP            • ummmm
X-LP            • delta!
@DimeCadmium     • xD
@DimeCadmium     • dont even know its name thar?

#99 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
* %iso is eating a helicopter
<%iso> *hamburger
<+cezz> lol
<+cezz> yummy helicoper
<+cezz> what is the nicest bit? I bet it is the propellers
<%iso> The skids
<%iso> They're always nice and cripsy
<+cezz> Ahhh but they can get a bit dirty from time to rime

#103 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
[6:08pm] Link «Link@linkstechblog.com» has Quit iRC (For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.)

#108 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
Alice «availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) «48 people»
Angie` «~Angie_@AbyssNet-7DCD1663.atw.dyn.suddenlink.net» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) «47 people»
Availea «~BinariiAn@Staff.Starfleetirc.net» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) «46 people»
Declawed «~Sharpie@Staff.Starfleetirc.net» has Quit iRC (Ping timeout) «45 people»
—I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n— Netsplit Detected. «Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net»
Alias «~Alias@AbyssNet-D7E100B0.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) «44 people»
Edward «availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) «43 people»
Bella «availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net» has Quit iRC (Gryffindor.StarFleetIRC.Net Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net) «42 people»
<+Gothic_Goddess> oh oh
<+f0rte> o.o
<+Gothic_Goddess> bye bye yall
Availeab (~BinariiAn@D453254D.E802AAAD.D92F8E0C.IP) has joined. «44 people»
Availeab (~BinariiAn@D453254D.E802AAAD.D92F8E0C.IP) is now known as Availea
PinkSmurf sets mode: +qo Availea Availea
Alice (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined. «45 people»
VJTD3 (VJTD3@ppp203.net267.fl.sprint-hsd.net) has joined. «46 people»
Angie` (~Angie_@AbyssNet-7DCD1663.atw.dyn.suddenlink.net) has joined. «47 people»
Alias (~Alias@AbyssNet-D7E100B0.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) has joined. «48 people»
Edward (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined, but is a Clone of Alice  «49 people»
Bella (availea@AbyssNet-2206A94F.astronomicsolutions.net) has joined, but is a Clone of Alice & Edward  «50 people»
Ravenclaw.StarFleetIRC.Net sets mode: +vvv Alias Edward Bella
Declawed (~Sharpie@AbyssNet-2801DE50.surgehost.net) has joined. «51 people»
Red-Dragon sets mode: +vvvvv Alice Angie` BlueEyes Declawed VJTD3
<+Gothic_Goddess> wb yall

#137 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some evangelical church christmas dinner theatre
<blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!"
<cue> evangelicals are morons
<blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful
<blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main character realized she has a hole in her heart
<blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole with jesus"

#138 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<@Awesome> i just opened the back door to let people out and a frikkin midget flew right into my gob as i breathed in
<@Awesome> gaaaaak
<+_I_LOVE_YOU_> midget butties
<+Helzz> Midget?
<+imy1411>    midget?   
<+Should_trumps_have_lumps> your sucking off midgets?
<+Helzz> As in dwarf
moonshadow «~moonshado@WackyChat-526E4CE8.range86-179.btcentralplus.com» has Quit iRC (Laterz Wacky People :) Dont Forget To Checkout www.FuzzyHosts.com) «62 people»
WackyUser5291 (~lightIRC@A3912E5A.8F744AE9.2D39D232.IP) has joined. «63 people»
The-Shrink sets mode: +v WackyUser5291
<+_I_LOVE_YOU_> i didnt know dwarfs cud fly
<+imy1411>    bwhahahahha   
<@Awesome> midgey*
<+WackyUser5291> ello
<~SpiderSheepy> !voice Loony
The-Shrink sets mode: +v Loony
<@Awesome> a bloody fly thing
<@Awesome> you know ?
<+imy1411>    awesome     
<+Should_trumps_have_lumps> a tiny pilot?
<+CloPhone> Lol
<+imy1411>    are you women   
<~SpiderSheepy> lmao

#139 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<+CloPhone> Im freezing
<+Broxi> YOU'RE freezing? feel these nipples! < Broxi is a bot that occasionally responds to chat in humorous ways

#142 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<+Broxi> I was curious to see when you'd shut up on your own... but it's been three hours now, Vista... THREE HOURS*~%^##*%*@*£

#146 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<+x_LiL_Sophie_x> Broxi are you horny?
<+Broxi> Yes and i wont stop till my vagina bounces off!

#147 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<~zomg> Fgt
<Profash> HELLO
<Profash> Dear Customer, We're facing a major abuse issue with our Canadian segment, we're trying to resolve this case directly with our uplinks, if nothing is resolved within 48hrs we will grab the data from the servers and restore you on a new Canadian segment, we do apologize for the issues caused, we'll keep you notified asap. Thank you.
<~zomg> RIP
<Eck> hope your data is lost
<Eck> bitch

#153 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<dithi> i've answered every single penis enlargement email, and the home finance ones, and the inkjet ones.  Now I have 500 houses that i owe money on, my penis is long enough to reach all of them, and it shoots inkjet ink.

#157 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<+twilight> hey broxi
<+Broxi> :)
<+twilight> theres a moose loose in this hoose?
<@GreatWhite> broxi is a bot
<+Broxi> LIES.

#160 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
* +SuperAndroid17 glares at Availea
* +A glares at SuperAndroid17
* +SuperAndroid17 shows his dick at A
* +A hosting companies SuperAndroid17 in return

#161 (+|-) (Rated: -2)
<Nightmare> bad timing for a disconnect
<Nightmare> i accidentally busted my pudding all over the floor